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Phylicia from CA (submitted Aug '09)

 

Name: Phylicia Mann

Home: CA

I have been married to my husband for almost three years and we dated for nearly three before that. He has three children and I have two from previous marriage. I get along pretty well with his boys who are 19 and 9 and my boys (ages 19 and 17) get along well with him. My 17 year old even calls him Dad. The only trouble I have is from his 22 year old daughter. She made up her mind that she was not going to like or accept me before she ever met me (three years ago). I have just recently resolved myself to the fact that there is nothing I can do to change her mind. It hurts me and feels very unfair. Her father has never really stood up for me and has ignored her behavior time after time. She only calls or comes over if she wants money. That is when she "sucks up" to him and pours on the "daddy's little girl" act. As soon as she gets what she wants we don't hear from her until the next time. My husband knows this about her, but I think he is holding out that her attitude will change.

Recently, we gave birth to a daughter. His oldest daughter has refused to come up and meet her. It is going on five weeks now and the only time we heard from her was the day the baby was born, she wanted her dad to come move her furniture the next day, a week later because she wanted money to fix her car, then two weeks later to tell him she was leaving for a vacation.

I am so angry that she has treated our baby like she doesn't exist that I want to scream at her. I know that won't help, so I am struggling to deal with it in a godly way that will promote reconciliation. I just think it is time to tell her how her behavior has hurt me and how her attitude toward her sister has been unacceptable. My struggle is how to do it without creating further division.

Do you have any advice?


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