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Linda from Nebraska (submitted April '09)

 

Name: Linda

Home: Nebraska

I wasn't expecting to feal jealousy when I married a widower 2 years ago. After 6 years of single parenthood I fell in love with a widower. We both have 2 boys, now ages 20, 16, 13, and 9. My husband is a wonderful man but some of our problems I never expected.

First of all, I didn't realize how jealous I would feel about his first wife. I know he didn't ask to lose her unlike my divorce. Part of me knows he will always love her first and wish she could be here for his boys. He tries to overcompensate his boys with material things because he feels bad for them having lost their mother. He also treasures all the stuff they accumulated together. You should see our house every holiday! He decorates it himself with all their stuff first then I can try to fit mine in. Oh well, it is just stuff after all.

It's been a slow road but after 2 years I think we do feel more like a family. The kids all get along very well. It is just hard to blend two forms of parenting.

My ex-husband and I both got married again within 3 weeks of each other. We both attended each other's weddings. We had established a good friendship until the evil stepmother got involved. She was fine until after they got married. Her career is as a parole officer and she treats my boys as parolees! I have to pray continuosly about that part of the situation.

Most recently we made the mistake of forcing my 13 year old to choose who he wants to live with for high school. We live 1 hour apart so sharing time is not possible during the week. My ex lives in the country where the highschool classes are only about 25 kids and we live in a larger community with classes around 250 kids. Totally different settings. It was heartwrenching to see him struggle with the decision. I suggest others don't put your children through it. Try to decide as parents if possible, I'd even suggest a mediator rather than put that weight on the child's shoulders.

God's Blessings to you all!

 

 
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