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Key Qualities for Great Lovemaking*



by Doug Rosenau

Author, A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy



Consider these key qualities of a great sex life:

·         Sense of humor.  Laughing together and not taking yourself so seriously are invaluable.  Sex will be funny and full of mishaps and playfulness.

·         Flexibility.  Keep out of routines and let go of a strong need to always be in control.  You will enjoy yourself more in making love if you can go with a flow and are able to adapt.

·         Being disciplined.  A great sex life depends on flexibility but also on what can be termed “spontaneous structure.”  Every busy couple has optimal times for lovemaking like after the kids are in bed or Sunday afternoon.  Structuring in sex is critical to overcome busyness and fatigue, and then you can put a lot of spontaneity and fun into that session together. 

·         Forgiveness.  Let each other make mistakes, and let go of resentment and hurt.  Allow each other to change as both work through tough areas, and cut each other some slack as both focus on positive solutions.  Forgiveness is the cleansing agent that helps create a great marriage and sex life.

·         Effective communication.  A couple must be able to assertively express needs and feelings and truly hear each other.  No topic is off-limits, and with dialogue and compromise, solutions can be reached.

·         Love and trust.  If you like each other and believe your mate wants you to be happy and sexually fulfilled, it is easier to discuss and negotiate.  An intimate relationship is vital in responsibly using birth control, creatively experimenting, and flexibly communicating. 

·         Being uninhibited.  Let yourself go as you enjoy your mate and God’s gift of sex.  Becoming uninhibited and truly “naked and unashamed” becomes a real aphrodisiac.  Lovers can revel in sensuality and plan surprises for each other.  God gave each of us unusual creativity and romance that we can use to connect intimately with our mate.  Celebrate!   





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*Adapted from Doug Rosenau, A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy, 2002, Nashville: Thomas Nelson, Inc., p. 61-62.  Used with permission.


Doug Rosenau, Ed.D., is a licensed psychologist, marriage & family therapist, and certified sex therapist.  Doug is a co-founder of Sexual Wholeness, a pioneer in Christian sex therapy, and author of A Celebration of Sex (buy from Christianbook.com).

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