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Joy from Texas (submitted July 1, 2010)

 

Name: joy

Home: texas

 

Message: I am holding back the tears. I just read and viewed much of your available information on step families. I am happy but not really due to circumstance to know that I am not alone in my troubles. Paralyzed Parenting & Stepfamilies was so helpful and hit the nail it made me cry. About 6 months ago my stepson who is 17 moved in with us. He said he was tired of living alone. The mother was hardly home. It has been such a struggle. Before moving in he never wanted me around when my husband would visit with him. He never came to the house my husband always had to take him out to spend time with him. Let me add I brought 3 teens into this marriage, there dad passed when they were very young. I raised them alone for 12 years before I remarried. My children have never to this day disrespected my husband in any way. I won’t allow it. However my step son has cursed me, hardly listens to any request I make. Examples pickup your stuff ect.  I am always given a mean look when I ask him to pickup something that is his. Recently my husband requested that I don’t tell his son anything about picking up after himself. He said, “I don’t have a right to do so.” I’m really tired and hurt about how all is going. Paralyzed parenting article is exactly how my husband is. I don’t know how to hold on any longer.

 

 
Comments ( 2 )
 
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#2: by K on 07.01.2010 @ 01:56pm CDT

Hi Joy, Don't lose hope. Reaching out for help is the first step. Do you have any individual or couples counseling available through your church? I too am remarried. I have a 10 year old son and my husband has a 10 year old daughter. I get chills thinking about the kids becoming teenagers because I know things can become more difficult depending on the personalities. I come from a blended family where we could not disrespect my step-mom in anyway but my step-siblings were always given more slack in their responses to my dad. I saw first hand the bitterness and anger this can produce. Again, don't lose hope. Keep praying for your husband and your marriage. Your step-son will not be 17 forever and hopefully soon he will realize he is wrong in treating you that way and that taking out his anger on you will not repair his mom's lack of parenting/involvement. I will be praying for you.K
#1: by K on 07.01.2010 @ 01:49pm CDT

Hi Joy, Don't lose hope. Reaching out for help is the first step. Do you have any counseling available through your church? I too am remarried. I have a son and my husband has a daughter, both kids are 10 years old. I get chills thinking about the kids becoming teenagers because I know it can be very tough for step-families. I too come from a blended family and we were not allowed to disrespect my step-mom in anyway however my step-siblings were always given more slack. I saw first hand the unfairness that can go on and the bitterness it can cause. I do know that there is hope. Keep praying for your husband and your marriage. His son will not be 17 forever and hopefully soon will realize that he is wrong and taking out his anger on you will not change his mother's lack of parenting/involvement. Be encouraged and seek God's wisdom, comfort and peace. Praying for you. K

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